attack helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I Sexually Identify As RyeDawg14's Imaginary Beagle. Ever Since I Was A Boy I Dreamed Of Waving At People With My Poorly Drawn MSPaint Dog Paws While RyeDawg Tries To Make Me The Next Big Meme. All The Twitch Chatters I Talk To Tell Me I'm A Fucking Retard And That I Should Go Outside But I Don't Care, I'm Beautiful. I'm Having An Artist At My Local Subway Paint Me As A Beagle Next Month, Completing My Transformation. From Now On I Want You Guys To Call Me "HeyRye" And Respect My Right To Be A Shitty MSPaint Twitch Emote. If You Can't Accept Me You're A Cynophobe And Need To Check Your Painted Canine Privilege. Thank You For Being So Understanding.