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Find your favorite pasta

Sunday, January 7, 2018


You notice a wall of text in twitch chat and your hand instinctively goes to the mouse. You scroll up to stop the chat elevator and read the pasta, indulging in its delights... You soon realize that this pasta conveys no information nor is particularly witty or funny. Nevertheless, you drag your mouse across, hit Ctrl+C, then Ctrl+V and press Enter

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

strong torso

Andrey, it is me, Jose. Since the night we spent together, all my thoughts have been taken hostage by you and the memories of your strong torso. If only I could have one more sight of that piece of heaven, I think my life would be complete... We miss you a lot here. Call us. Rodrigo send you kisses. Love.

Monday, November 28, 2016

hate twitch

This is exactly why I hate Twitch chat (Kripp specifically). This chat is pure, unadulterated, 100% cancer. Nobody has a single unique, new thought, all spouting the latest meme after meme, that aren't even good. THIS is why I'm turning off chat and will just watch the professional gameplay. And I swear to god, if any of you copy and paste this, I'm deleting my account forever.

Thursday, June 23, 2016


hello my name is cordelia i died in a fire 10 years ago unless u send this to copy and paste this 10 times i will come in your room tonight and stare at you i look like a three year old girl without a face i will show up every night you have seven min to post it or else.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


Sugar! PJSugar Spice! PJSalt And everything nice! OhMyDog CoolCat KappaPride These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect streamer. But Professor Reynad accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction - Chemical Vegan! Thus, the Kripp was born! BabyRage

Monday, June 13, 2016

arrogant failure

I cannot get over how much this guy complains as soon as he doesn't get extremely lucky. He is so incredibly narcissistic that he truly believes nobody else is allowed to do well or draft effective cards. We are all just guests who play in Kripp's world of hearthstone. To suggest that you are better than Kripp must simply mean that you have better RNG. What an arrogant failure of a man.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

vegan dog

I am a dog being raised by a very loving family. Or at least I was, until a balding romanian gypsy kidnapped me from my home. Now he doesn't let me go outside and doesn't feed me. Every time I try to tell him I am hungry he puts green leaves in my bowl and says doggies can be vegan too if they try hard enough. I believe this man is mentally disabled. Please send help. OhMyDog


FeelsGoodMan Kripp plays cardstone and is unlucky as the opponent topdeks lethal. "WTF" he screams, and he looks to twitch chat for salty support. Instead he sees a chat full of love and good feelings. Kripp tries to resist the love, but the love in chat is too strong. Suddenly Kripp's heart grew three sizes and he finally tells us, "Chat, I love you." FeelsGoodMan

Tuesday, June 7, 2016


Hola, Kripp, this is Antonio, Rania's secret Puerto Rican lover. I mistakenly left a package of my Magnum XXL Heavy-Duty Condoms at your place last night while you were complaining about a children's card game. I was hoping I could swing by tonight and pick them up. I'll just go in through the backdoor just like how I do with Rania, the dirty girl! Thanks, and good luck with your funny little computer game!

Monday, June 6, 2016

kripp grandma

Kripp visits his grandmother in Romania. "Hi Gran, do you remember me?" She smiles. "Octavian, you're back! Do you still play that game? What was it, Stone of Hearts? Oh, I would love it if you would play some Priest for me!" Kripp nods. "Tomorrow, I promise." Later that night, Kripp smothers Gran with her pillow. "You want priest, huh? Go see the priest in the afterlife, you rancid whore."

Wednesday, May 25, 2016


Hi, my name is Kixelated, you might know me from the 3rd division of the 22nd branch of Twitch’s official Nazi party. I am here to use my powers as one of the most important men of the our beloved Nazi party to ban all twitch MODERATORS that aren’t doing their job. You are supposed to prevent communism from spreading by banning all of the one man spammers, but instead, you are exactly like them. I want to let you know that you guys are fired

Monday, May 23, 2016

oh my god dude

The opponent mulligans his cards. "Oh my god dude, are you kidding me?" says Kripp. The opponent plays a 2 drop. "Seriously dude? This is crazy." The opponent draws a card at the start of their turn. "No fckin way dude, I can't beat that." The opponent hero powers. "This is some crazy RNG bullshit" says Kripp.

Friday, May 20, 2016

card logic

I looked at this card originally, and I thought, you know, it’s a card, and you play this card. The card will be that card that you’ve played, so you’re playing a card. So it is one thing to play a card if your opponent doesn’t really have any cards. The card will screw up the card pretty hard, and that means it’s a pretty good card.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016


I remember my old friend Blastoise, long gone, long before Mario Maker, long before Brain Power, he stood by my side, even when witwix channel was offline, he was there, constantly watching over the children of chat, now he is no longer, who can tell what the consequences will be, all I know is, things will never be the same. Goodnight sweet prince. FeelsBadMan

Monday, May 16, 2016

stoned heart of the cards

Hello Kripparian, this is your father Vyascheslav from Moskva. I have started working overtime at the power plant, and your sister Tatyana has gone to Berlin to sell her body to Kraut swine for money. We do all this to pay for your "Stoned Heart of the Cards" game. Please win tournament and send us rubles soon, so our family can be together again.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

eating cardboard

Hi Kripp, long time viewer. After you recommended the Curse app I trusted you and downloaded it. But you betrayed me, its complete malware. I resolved not to fall for it again, but then you endorsed eating carboard with such confidence that I couldn't help myself. Now I'm in the intensive care unit because my intestines are ruined. How could you do this to me Kripp? I thought you were my friend.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

twitch memer

Here we can observe the Twitch Memer in his natural habitat, stuck as usual in this intricate limbo of carefully crafted memes, emote spam and endless copypastas that no one even bothers to read anymore. The Memer actually used to be a very functional human being way back then. Will he ever claim that state back and finally manage to reproduce?

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

viking jeff

Reynad began to sweat as his plane arrived, his anus clenched prepared for his intense meeting with the Anal Viking Jeff. Andrey's forehead moistened at the thought of his anus being torn asunder by the mighty Jeff.

jeff demolisher

Reynad moaned softly as Jeff pressed up against him. "Are you ready for my demolisher?" quipped Jeff. Reynad gave a short gasp "B-But it's too early, you don’t have enough mana!" Jeff shyly replies, "I've got a Coin-dom right here."

Thursday, April 21, 2016

bite the dust

Rania clicks the Disenchant button. "Haha, it was Pupparian!" she says to Kripp. Kripp nods. Later, Rania finds a note on her bed covered in a strange powder. It smells oddly of Pupparian and bone. The note reads "bite the dust." Rania doesn't hear Kripp approach with the gun in hand from behind.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

giant robotic dog

Everyday my dad worked hard to feed us. My mom left us and my dad supported me on his own. We were doing well until my dad didn't come back from work today. Some asshole blew up the giant robotic dog he worked in and he died.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

macbook pro

hey kripp i spend my last 2000 bucks on a macbook pro just to watch your stream. I'm currently living out of my car so I can't sub, but I had a bad day and really don't know if i can make it through the night. could i please get a brofist I promise I'll sub when I'm back on my feet! i love you bro


Hi Witwix! With your encouragement I was finally able to hook up with the girl of my dreams- My sister! Thanks for your support man, it will be hard for us but there is real love here

Monday, April 11, 2016

kripp food

When Kripp is eat I pretend he is eat me. I go down Kripp wet Kripp throat and am in warm Kripp stomach. Then I go deeper into the Kripp. I am made into Kripp gold. The Kripp sits on toilet and frees me. I am sad I am no longer Kripp food. Then Kripp eats me again.

Friday, April 8, 2016

year 2093

The year is 2093...QT somehow lived this long...he's on his deathbed....he turns on one last time..he goes to riot games channel to watch the worlds final.... Dignitas is there...They've made it...They're at baron...QTs heart rate goes up...doctors are rushing in to help.. Dig takes baron...aces the enemy....and makes the push to win worlds.. qt breathes one last breath and utters his final words ...My Boys..