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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

scamaz had struck again

Only 10 seconds into watching Eloise's stream, Reynad knew he could wait no longer. An uninvited guest, Little Reynad, had shown up and wouldn't go away. Reynad asked Frodan for his Eloise nudes and upon receiving them, Reynad had begun furiously masturbating. Seconds before busting a nut, Reynad noticed the image was actually a gif, and watched in horror as he saw "Eloise" take off "her" mask. Scamaz had struck again.

72k/month pleb

Reynad looks at his viewer number. "38k, holy shit!" he thinks. "If I act salty, I'll be able to get so much money," he laughs. He gets hard thinking about how much money he could make. "No more will I be a 72k/month pleb, I will make 144k!" he cackles. He pulls out his cellphone and dials Tyggbar. "Tyggbar, I'll be able to afford anal this time," he says.

Monday, November 23, 2015

50% off

"How about I give you 50% off the suit," Walter whispers in Reynad's ear, as his hands "measure" Reynad's body. Reynad can feel Walter's erection pressing against his firm buttocks. He licks his lips, "Yeah, that'd be cool." As Reynad walks out with his discounted suit, Walter waits for a text. Hours later, he tosses his phone at the wall, "Fucking cocktease."

Wednesday, November 18, 2015


The average length of Kripp's stream has decreased over the past 3 years from an average length of 11 hours to the current average of 5 hours. In 2 more years, Kripp will stream for 0 hours. What's the cause? Sources say Kripp has contracted a terminal illness - Casualitis. Soon he will join Katarrian in Heaven. BibleThump

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

intrigued as to what this spam is

You have just become intrigued as to what this spam is, you go to the chat and scroll to hold it on the screen and indulge in its delights, as you continue to read you realize it does not contain anything funny or worth reading, and yet you highlight, copy it, paste it and send it.

Friday, November 13, 2015

trumped trump

It's only been 15 seconds, but Tyggbar has already had 20 orgasms. "You're so much better than Forsen, Reynad," she gasps. "I'm not Reynad," replies Trump. "Oh, well you get a lot viewers too," shrugs Tyggbar. As Trump recoils in horror at Tyggbar not recoiling in horror, Tyggbar smirks, "It seems I've trumped Trump."

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

shaved balls

"I like shaved balls," Tyggbar tells the creepy rapist Elliot Rodgers-lookalike. Reynad is excited. He runs to the bathroom to shave his balls. Later, he knocks on Tyggbar's door. He enters her room and pulls out his balls, "I heard you like shaved balls," he says. Tyggbar pulls out a knife, "They're easier to preserve," she says as she pulls out Forsen's pickled balls. Reynad tries to run, but the door is locked.

i fucked up

"I fucked up," Reynad tweets. He sweats heavily at the PC. "Should I say more?" he wonders. He decides not too. He looks at Tyggbar laying in his bed, cum leaking out her anus. "Maybe I can keep this secret from Forsen. I'm panicing for no reason," he thinks. He wakes up the next day and screams. A severed clown's head sits in his bed.

3% off

Reynad ran crying out of the house. Knowing something was wrong, Frodan ran out after him. "What's wrong?" Frodan asked Reynad. Reynad replied with tears in his eyes, "Everyone was making fun of me." "Why?" Frodan said. Reynad barely eked out the words, "I can use promo code TEMPO to get 3% off of everything, except my forehead."


Gorilla-man wanders through California. "Ugh gug," he thinks. He smells alcohol and an easy Norwegian girl. He knocks on door, "Ugg Ugg," he says. "Come in," says Reynad. The gorilla man comes inside and tries to seduce Tyggbar, but she blows him off. The gorilla cries, "No one likes nice guys."

Thursday, November 5, 2015

RIP bob ross

July 4, 1995: Bob Ross wakes up, "Time to go to work and paint some happy trees." "I don't think so," says Scamaz from his bedside. Bob gets up and runs, but Scamaz shoots him. Dying Bob says,"You've won this time, Scamaz, but someday, a hardcore gamer wielding the power of OJ will defeat you." Scamaz laughs, "That's a card."

close the window

Kripp approaches the window. "I can do this" he tells himself. "It won't be like last time" Kripp stares into the distance as he realizes he does not know how to close the window. He contemplates jumping before remembering he has drafted 3 deaths bite, gorehowl and varian. "Not today" Kripp decides.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015


KappaRoss “This guy's painting is CRAZY!” KappaRoss “My drawing can't win against a painting like that” KappaRoss "He NEEDED precisely those colors to win" KappaRoss “He drew the only scene that could beat me” KappaRoss "He had the perfect brush" KappaRoss

Monday, November 2, 2015

hearthstone drain

Kripp listen to me, I say this because I truly care for you. You used to be such a nice guy and so happy and it looked like you genuinely had a good time streaming. Hearthstone has turned you into a depressed person and it honestly looks like youre suffering emotionally and you look physically drained. Please Kripp. Something has to change.

Friday, October 30, 2015

snoop strats

Snoop Dogg created a strategy that revolved around trying to blaze your homies in one blunt without requiring any paranoia towards law enforcement. Fighting for lung control and tokes between homies make an overall blunt session more fun and compelling, but taking 420+ hits from the blunt in one turn is not particularly fun or interactive..

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

my hero

Dyrus, you are my hero. You are the light in my darkness. You are the joy in my sorrow. You bring to me what no one else can, the absolute feeling of happiness. You are the single most important person in my life. I wish you a life of longevity and prosperity. Good luck to you young lad. I hope you can succeed in what ever you're doing

french student

I'm a french student and once in the university i was looking one of your stream and the girl next to me said : Wow he's hot I said : he's a geek he play hearthstone And that's how i found myself a girlfriend who'll become my wife. I have to thank you bro I can't donate because, yeah you know i have a gf now lol Merci Reynad !

Friday, October 23, 2015


"Dad,who is Tucker?" "That was a long time ago son,when Singsing's chat was not the source of cancer and autism,Singsing had a best friend named Tucker,I would've shed tears of joy when I saw Singsing and Tucker play together,but then,the reddit nation attacked,flaming Tucker untill one day he couldn't take it anymore and stopped playing with Singsing,I would give anything just to see them play together just one more time like they used to

Thursday, October 22, 2015

all for copypasta

DansGame Seriously. I'm all for copy pasta but will you idiots stop copying the name as well? How hard it is to highlight it without the name DansGame

Wednesday, October 21, 2015


I'm SICK of STREAMERS referring to all us all as "Twitch Chat" as if we're some sort of hivemind. I am NOT a DRONE. I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

nice stream

Nice stream QT! I really love your playstyle and i love you as a person as well. I dont have engouh money to donate, so you will probably not see this message. But if you do, i want you to know that i love you! <3

Monday, October 12, 2015

na worlds

I had the most amazing sex with this girl last night. It was so good I came in 15 seconds and as I turned to look at her out of embarrassment, she put her lips to my ear and whispered "at least you lasted longer than NA at worlds"

Friday, October 9, 2015

held agaisnt his will

Wtf is this? "World championship" with 5 players that no one knew about in some 3rd world sh*thole, non-existant production quality, Kripp casting from some toilet. Kripp COUGH twice if you're being held against your will!


Ulquiomaru is wandering the Maldives when a giant 8ft Romanian gypsy tells him they need playes for a money-laundering scheme disguised as a Hearthstone tournament, the gypsy puts him in a dark room. He tells him to play Cardstone and to google "TempoStorm" for some deck ideas. Ulquiomaru shrugs, "Why not?"

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

created a strategy

Mira created a strategy that revolved around trying to sleep with popular streamers without requiring any skill or personality. Watching Forsen and Reynad lose their virginity and play with her wonky tits make an overall game of Hearthstone more fun and compelling, but receiving 20+ STD's from one girl is not particularly fun or interactive.

Reynad created a strategy that revolved around muting your mic during stream without reading chat at all. Watching him talk to himself and concede HearthStone games is fun and compelling, but not having a commentary in one turn is not particularly fun or interactive.

Reynad's Microphone created a strategy that revolved around muting itself every couple of minutes to piss off Reynad. Chat spamming SwiftRage MIC MUTED proves to be fun and compelling, but 20+ minutes of muted Reynad is not particularly fun or interactive.

Twitch Chat created a strategy that revolved around trying to defeat your livestreamer in one minute with a bunch of copypasta in the chat. Fighting for chat control and battles between mods make an overall chat more fun and compelling, but taking the same pasta and copying it 20+ times is not particularly fun or interactive...

Michael Jackson created a strategy that revolved around trying to touch a daycare full of children in one day without requiring any consequences or loss of fans. Grotesque plastic surgery, psuedo-science medical programs, and violent pedophilia make an overall day of being a famous singer more fun and compelling, but singing smooth criminal while groping your son is not particularly fun or interactive.