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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

stiffy mcshitterton

 Hello viewers this is Twich manager Stiffy McShitterton. Im glad you all enjoy the new Theater mode. As with a normal theater there is a quite section in the back where you can give eachother handjobs without alerting other viewers. Thanks and ME ME on.

the goat

lost my virginity to a goat. I was working at a bird sanctuary and they had some goats and sheep there. I was left to close up one day and I thought i'd stay around because the weather was awesome and it was so peaceful. I got horny and decided to act on all the animal porn i'd watched and found so fucking hot. I tied one of the goats up in one of the hay barns and fucked it bareback in the ass. It was fucking amazing and I was shit scared

dear mister

Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Text-To-Speech, this'll be the last pasta I ever send your ***. I thought you loved money - isn't that why you still play hearthstone? I know you got my last two pastas; I wrote the Kappas on 'em perfect. I'm in the chat right now, spamming hafu nudes in r9k. Hey Kripp, I drank a fifth of OJ, you dare me to riot?

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

skyrim

Hi Michael it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.

attack helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Monday, December 15, 2014

maybe 420 blaze it

Greeting Michael, this is your Mother. I heard earlier that you "maybe" 420 blaze it. I am very concerned. I dont like that Pobelter boy and I dont think you should hang out with him anymore. I hope the rest of you concerned mothers in twitch chat will copy paste this so my son will see..

jeff from psychology 100

Hey, kripp! What's up, man? It's Jeff from Psychology 100 last semester. I didn't know you were some kind of internet superstar hahahaha. Hit me up, man. Btw, did you ever hook up with Ashley? She was a big girl hahah. You are such a dog. It's so cool to see you again. You have my numbah. Just hit me up, man.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

who he

The casters need to stop asking "who he?" Not only is it grammatically incorrect, but it is impolite to not focus on the gameplay of the players. Either tell us who he is or stop asking the question! Pls no copy pasterino.

Friday, December 12, 2014

EUROFAG

(ʘ͡ ʖ͜ ʘ͡ ง) I AM EUROFAG. I have a 100% chance to have less FREEDOM AND LIBERTY than a citizen of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (ʘ͡ ʖ͜ ʘ͡ ง)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

maria pastarina

Sing2x this is your girlfriend: Maria Pastarina. The doctor said that you have AIDS because you're always being raped by pub scrubs. I'm leaving you now, I found another person better than you. EE is such a tryhard and he watches anime, he's perfect for me. Bye! Pls no copyrino pasterino.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

samurai sword

As I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ sᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ ᴀs I ᴡᴀs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ sᴜᴅᴏᴋᴜ, I ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴘʟᴀʏ Cᴀsᴜᴀʟsᴛᴏɴᴇ... I ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ Kʀɪᴘ ᴡᴀs Nᴏʟɪғᴇ... ɴᴏᴡ I ᴀᴍ Nᴏʟɪғᴇ...ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ

watched for over a million years

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ Kripp, I have watched you for over a million years now, but never have I ever considered you capable of the depravity I just witnessed. I will never support a child abusing casual like yourself. Good day sir! ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

Monday, December 8, 2014

documentary on hitlers top officers

Mʏ ᴍᴏᴍ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʀᴏᴏᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴡʜʏ ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴅᴏᴄᴜᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʀʏ ᴏɴ Hɪᴛʟᴇʀs ᴛᴏᴘ ᴏғғɪᴄᴇʀs. I ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇʀ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴄʜ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴏᴅs. Sʜᴇ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴊᴇᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴀ sᴡᴀsᴛɪᴋᴀ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ғᴏʀᴇʜᴇᴀᴅ

Friday, December 5, 2014

produce eggs

Hello, i come to seek help. I am interested in trying to discover a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does. i have tested inserting the egg into myself and hoping it will act like a seed and grow like a tree in my belly but so far it has not been successful. Please help i struggle to sleep at night without an answer.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

pelican is a toucan

Here's the thing. You said a "pelican is a toucan."Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.As someone who is a scientist who studies toucans, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls toucans pelicans.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

michaels mom

Hello twitch chat. This is michaels mother speaking. Please stop the spam in the chat. I can't read the amazing conversations that you are having about my son. Thanks. Don't copy and paste this to spam more or I will tell Michael to ban you all.

this is god

Hello kripp, this is God. I sent my angel, James, down to earth to test you. I am sorry to say that you've failed the test. When James showed you kindness, you took the scumbag win instead of being kind in return. I'm sorry to say you will go to hell for all eternity, the ultimate BM.

Monday, December 1, 2014

le toucan ascii

                 ▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄ ░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌ ░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█ ░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌ ░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄ ░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄ ░░░░░le░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░░░toucan░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄ ░░░░░░has░░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄ ░░░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████

minecraft

ᴀs ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ɪɴsᴛᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪɴᴇᴄʀᴀғᴛ ɪ ʜᴇʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀɢɢᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ. ɪ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ·ᴛ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ɢᴀᴍᴇs. ɪ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴀ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀs ɴᴏʟɪғᴇ. ɴᴏᴡ ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏʟɪғᴇ. ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ.

Friday, November 28, 2014

gay pornography

Michael "The PIE" Santana, this is your mother speaking. Did I just hear that you became a sellout? I did not raise my donger like this, please call home, Michael. I am concerned about you, and what is this about wanting to go into gay pornography?

Thursday, November 27, 2014

garbage trash

clgdoublelift bro I'm trash but your garbage trash is like a scrap of a wrapper but your a large quantity like how your a virgin and you will never find a strong independent black woman *** double lift picking OP champs because of you I lost a bet for 1$ Nigerian currency and now I have to stay at my grandma's house for thanksgiving when I can be at home playing league but now I can't buy a ticket to North Korea and beat your dick back to China

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

consensual sex

@imaqtpie which champion would you have consensual sex with in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation after getting married and having your finances sorted out, staring lovingly into each other's eyes while HOLDING HANDS

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

brofisting trend

ヽ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ノ Kripp, it's me Papparrian. Your mother and I are very disappointed in this new 'brofisting' trend you've picked up on. We can only suspect it's due to you being around the succubus for too long. Please come home we miss you. No copypasterino cappuccino pizzarino pepperoni papa johns.

african american music

Hey Mr QTPIE, This is John's mother I would love it if you turned down this "African american" music down a notch so my son doesn't get corrupted. God Bless you.

Monday, November 24, 2014

gabe newell

Good Evening Octavian Moroșan, my name is Gabe Newell from the Microsoft team, and from analyzing your browser history we are here to inform you that your Windows XP Operating system is not valid. Your OS will be locked in 15 minutes until you have paid for the Microsoft product. If you have any questions or concerns please don't hesitate to call us!